You're bloated, nauseous, and more tired than you've ever been in your life, and sex is so far out of the picture it's not even on your radar screen.
Or ... you're feeling steamy, hot, sensuous, and wanting your partner more than you ever thought you could.
Sound like two different women? It could be. But don't be surprised if these kind of dramatic sexual mood swings are part of a single pregnancy -- yours. While most women are fairly well acquainted with their sexual appetite prior to conceiving, once pregnancy happens, everything you thought you knew about your need or desire for sex may suddenly change. What's more, the minute you think you've figured it all out, you enter a new trimester and things can change once again!
The good news: From first trimester to last, sex and pregnancy is a healthy combination. One reason is that it can help keep your pelvic floor muscles toned for delivery, which can benefit you and your baby. But it can also help you and your partner expand your emotional connection to each other. A great sex life can also help you feel more desirable and yes, even sexy, at a time when you might be feeling a little down about how you look. In fact, while it may seem hard to imagine right now, for some of you pregnancy could turn out to be one of the most sexually exciting times of your life!
Pregnancy and Sexual Desire: The First Trimester
Perhaps the most important thing you can learn about sexual desire during pregnancy is that no two days are going to be alike. Much like the time before you conceived, some days you will feel like having sex, other days you won't. The only difference is, during pregnancy these desires can fluctuate much more dramatically, particularly during your first trimester. One reason has to do with your hormone levels, which are dramatically changing during this time. In addition, don't be surprised if your newly developed maternal instincts also kick in, affecting sexual desire as well. Experts say this is a normal reaction and something you can expect during your first trimester.
"During pregnancy, not only is your body changing, but your newfound maternal feelings can trigger complex emotional responses," says registered nurse and perinatal educator Joy Hacke. Suddenly, she says, motherhood and sexuality may seem "mutually exclusive," resulting in a temporary decrease in your sexual appetite. In at least one medical study of 112 pregnant Swedish couples, researchers found 40% of women experienced as least some decline in their desire for sex during the first trimester.
Hot and Heavy: Your Second Trimester
Whatever you missed during your first trimester, you can certainly begin enjoying in your second trimester. Indeed, beginning around your 14th week of pregnancy you are likely to feel a surge of confidence and energy, as well as a return of your sexual appetite. As many of the unpleasant symptoms of your first trimester (like morning sickness) begin to fade, a whole new set of physiological changes begin occurring, and some of them can have an enormously positive effect on your desire for sex.
An increase in blood volume, for example, brings more circulation to your genitals, which in turn can increase sensitivity and excitement in your entire V zone. And, thanks to higher levels of estrogen, you may also have more vaginal lubrication, which in turn may leave you with a feeling of sexual "readiness" nearly all the time.
If your breasts are traditionally a focal point of sexual stimulation, you may experience some particularly pleasant changes and some welcome surprises in this area as well. As your milk ducts develop, the tissue inside your breast can become compressed, putting more pressure on sensitive nerve endings. This, in turn, can heighten your pleasure considerably whenever your breasts are touched or stroked. In addition, studies show that breast stimulation increases the production of the hormone oxytocin -- the "biochemical of lust." And the higher your levels of oxytocin, the greater your desire for sex!
Don't be surprised, however, if you experience "leaky breasts" during sex -- more specifically, a release of colostrum, the thin, yellow-tinged fluid that develops as a precursor to milk. While this might temporarily upset or even frighten you or partner -- or cause either one of you to momentarily feel "turned off" -- remember the leakage is normal and not dangerous to you, and not harmful to your partner, even if swallowed.
Finally, the position of your baby in your uterus during the second trimester can also create a pressure that actually enhances orgasm. This, combined with the increased blood flow to your genitals, might allow you to climax in a way you never could before. If you had some difficulty achieving orgasm before pregnancy, you may find you are climaxing easier and more often during your second trimester. If you had no problems climaxing in the past, you may find that you now are multi-orgasmic. An encouraging survey of some 17,000 women found that orgasms can be better during pregnancy than ever before!
Sex and Your Third Trimester -- What You Can Expect
Though your second trimester may have been erotic bliss, your third trimester may see your sex drive taking a dive once more, often beginning around your 24th or 26th week of pregnancy. Your growing tummy can present a real challenge to sexual comfort, while pain associated with the increased weight -- particularly backaches -- could make it difficult to find a position where sex is comfortable, let alone erotic.
In addition, all that extra genital blood flow that made touch seem so pleasurable during your second trimester may now increase to such a degree that even being lightly stroked can be painful. The extra weight of your growing baby can also leave you feeling fatigued, and combined with a lack of sleep, sex may once again be the furthest thing from your mind. In that same 1991 Swedish study mentioned earlier, researchers found that 75% of women had far less sexual desire during their third trimester.
However, also remember that when it comes to sex, nothing is ever the same for every couple. In fact, some women report they turn into a virtual "sex machine" during their third trimester -- and can't get enough love! The point is that you shouldn't be surprised by any behavior or sexual feeling you develop during pregnancy -- or by the fact that your desires may change from one week -- or even one day -- to the next. Any and all is considered normal.
The 3 Best Ways to Make Love During Pregnancy
While sex may be considered safe and even pleasurable during pregnancy, clearly, it's not always comfortable, particularly during your third trimester. Your increasing size, along with other comfort issues, can make it difficult, painful, or even seemingly impossible.
What can help: Trying some new positions -- ways of having sex that experts say can be more comfortable for you. Most important is that they don't cause you to lie on your back or have your partner's weight directly on your abdomen -- which is particularly important during the second and especially the third trimesters.
Here are three pregnancy sex positions experts say work the best.
1. Spooning. In this position, you lie on your left side, your body curled in a "C" position, with knees drawn up and arms in front. Your partner, who should be facing your back, mimics the position, curling or "spooning" around your body. For intercourse he enters your vagina from behind, while both of you remain lying on your left side.
2. Side by side. In this variation, you lie on your left side facing your partner, who is lying on his right side. He slips one leg over yours (your leg can be straight or bent), which allows him to enter your vagina at an angle, which may be more comfortable for you. This position can be very helpful if you are experiencing any vaginal irritation during intercourse or if you have mild to moderate pain during sex.
3. Woman on-top. In this position, your partner lies flat on his back and you perch your body over his in a "straddle" position, which can also make it easier for you to control what is happening and allow you to feel more comfortable as well.
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